Love Means Never Having to Say You're Sari

"And like, that photo was taken kind of a while ago, and I, like, look a little different in that..."

Tue, 24 Jul 2012 01:02:00 -0400

“And like, that photo was taken kind of a while ago, and I, like, look a little different in that picture than I do now. Like, I look older now. And then I, like, realized that one day I’m not going to look anything like I do in that picture, you know? And like…I don’t know if I’m okay with that.”

- inane conversation overheard in line for coffee. It’s times like these when I miss not being able to understand what’s going on around me.

Winnie the Pooh always says it best.

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 02:38:06 -0400

Winnie the Pooh always says it best.

1. I spent my fourth of July on a roof watching homemade fireworks (one exploded in glitter and...

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 09:35:09 -0400

1. I spent my fourth of July on a roof watching homemade fireworks (one exploded in glitter and confetti, and made my ears ring for a good hour), playing with snakes (the local snake charmer brought by cobras and vipers. I’m too much of a chicken to hold the poisonous ones, but I fell in love with a baby snake and have resolved to get one someday), and lighting sparklers (I looked straight at them and saw Ohio-shaped sunspots for the rest of the night. Miss you, Oberlin). Not quite the same as watching fireworks in St. Louis Park, but lovely none the less.

2. Speaking of home, I will be back in exactly one week. This feels twelve kinds of surreal. I know I’ve been whining for ages about how I want to go home—but just to be clear, it’s not because I don’t love it here. I do. I really do. In a way that I wasn’t really expecting and I can’t really explain. On the plane ride here, I was a total wreck. I hadn’t slept in 3 days, and I was so relieved that I had my visa. After I said goodbye to everyone, I shut off my phone, and proceeded to cry on and off for the entire ride to India (I also muttered to myself a lot because I was trying to learn the Hindi alphabet before I got here. Mission accomplished, but at the cost of maintaining any appearance of sanity for the poor guy next to me). I put on my sunglasses to cover it up, but who am I kidding…..

I’m sure that the trip back to the US will be every bit as teary.

3. Despite the fact that I’m feeling just the eensiest bit emotional (alright, I’ll admit it, I cried during an episode of the OC. Also I watched the OC. The entire first season, to be exact. I am not nearly as ashamed as I should be) many things are great. I’m basically done revising and gathering things for the pre-school, I’ve heard some incredible stories of the most BAMF women ever, and I got to play with the cutest puppy ever and help name it (its name is Muffin, though it’s pronounced “Muffeen” if you’ve got a Marathi accent). It’s the little things…right?

Today, I taught some more. Some things worked, some things didn’t (ending with stampedes, cut...

Mon, 02 Jul 2012 07:19:08 -0400

Today, I taught some more. Some things worked, some things didn’t (ending with stampedes, cut knees, and lots of tears) but that’s how you figure out which activities to use (or not). Most of the kids are convinced that my name is America Didi. And when they draw me, they give me two large hands, two large feet, with a small stomach on my left knee. Pretty consistently. America Didi is a very bizarre looking creature…..

1. Today, we tested out a lesson plan for the first time. I’ve been compiling them since I got...

Sat, 30 Jun 2012 03:26:00 -0400

1. Today, we tested out a lesson plan for the first time. I’ve been compiling them since I got here, and I’ve had about a year’s worth for a couple weeks. Things just take a while to get going here, sometimes. And, as with any plan in India, it didn’t quite go how I expected. I’ve never worked with kids that young before—some of them are only 2 years old. And sometimes when you ask them to draw a shark, they write the ABC’s. Or draw you a lot of flowers. But overall, I’m happy with how it went, and I think that the longer they do these things, the easier it will get.

2. The pre-school teacher, Meena, was excited that I wore jewelry. I have become one of those people who wears bangles and earrings. And matches them. Meena put flowers in my hair, and then told me that I had become the perfect Indian woman. Then she asked me when I was going to get married. I feel like I’m too young to have people nagging me about this already. So it begins….

3. Two days ago, I fell out of my chair because I was thinking too hard. I was considering how you explain the rules of ketchup to a foreigner (no, kitchen staff, it does not go with pasta or salad, but it does go with grilled cheese and fries), and then I fell out of my chair. I am no longer functional. OKAY I’M READY TO COME HOME NOW.

4. My computer is rejecting India. It has started doing this charming thing where every once in a while, the screen turns blue. I googled it, and it came up as “blue screen of death.” This does not bode well. Anybody know anything about this? Help me pleeeeease!

1. My youtube queue is filled with nursery rhymes. The only topics that I really look at on...

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 06:46:00 -0400

1. My youtube queue is filled with nursery rhymes. The only topics that I really look at on Pinterest are related to crafts and pre-school activities. I can’t stop singing “You are My Sunshine.” This is it. I have finally lost my mind. I am regressing into a 5 year old. On the plus side, I have lesson plans for close to two terms of school. It only cost me my sanity. Also, I was running out of ideas, and I may or may not have adapted a drinking game into something suitable for pre-schoolers. Don’t tell anyone.

2. I took a weekend off and went to Delhi, because I knew I was going a bit stir crazy. I won’t say everything that happened—what happens in Delhi stays in Delhi, you know? But I will tell one story. I walked into a liquor store, since I can’t buy liquor in Jamkhed. There’s a huge alcoholism problem in this town, and it looks bad for foreigners (especially women) to buy liquor. So I decided to bring some back from Delhi. I walked into the store and asked an old man who was smoking a long brown cigarette for a bottle of gin. He handed me a bottle of Tanqueer, and I turned it over in my hands to check for the price. I took out my wallet and handed him 1500 Rs. He took a drag from his cigarette, looked at me, puffed out the smoke, and then informed me that it was 1600. I shook my head, pointed at the back, and told him that it said 1500. He considered this. Then he grabbed a sticker gun, slapped a new orange sticker on the bottle, and wrote 1600 in red ink.

That’s Delhi for me, in a nutshell. Angry, smoky, lazy, and after you for every last rupee you’ve got. I’ll take it.

3. Lately, I’ve been purchasing items exclusively in the colors red, white, and blue. I think this is my subconscious telling me to get home already. I have a jam-packed, busy work schedule (whoa, imagine that!) ahead of me for the next few weeks, and I know it’s going to fly by. I am going to be back in Amurrica sooner than I can say “namaste.” It’s not that I’m sick of India or anything. I’m really not. The heat has subsided, I eat lots of mangos and chocolate if I feel sad, and I’ve decided that Indian clothes are really comfy. But I am sick of being away from the people I love and care about the most. I think out of everything, I’m most excited to sit over a cup of black coffee (or a bottle of Andre) and hear all the things I’ve missed from the past 6 months (even longer, in some cases).

When a guy whistles at me on the street

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 13:20:23 -0400

India x123242354356903468

thetimeistudiedabroad:

The first week I’m all:

But by the end of the semester I’m like:

How I feel when I think about coming back to the US.

Wed, 20 Jun 2012 15:17:09 -0400

How I feel when I think about coming back to the US.

OBVIOUSLY the first thing I eat when I get home is going to be a...

Wed, 13 Jun 2012 08:41:00 -0400

OBVIOUSLY the first thing I eat when I get home is going to be a Bacon Sundae from Burger King.

I’ve also been jonesing for some other American nomz. The list includes guacamole, hummus, strawberries, cheddar cheese, goat cheese, and stuffed olives. Mmmmmmmm. Going to be eating them SO SOON!

"I realized that home is not a place. It cannot possibly be a place because if I really had one..."

Fri, 08 Jun 2012 09:09:47 -0400

“

I realized that home is not a place. It cannot possibly be a place because if I really had one refuge I could name by a set of coordinates or a three-line address, you can bet I’d be there. I’d be there to kiss you when you wake, push your hair back after you shower, and slice the bananas for our breakfast. I’d be there to argue when you come home, swear when the moment calls for it, and give in when it strikes my fancy. All those things and more if I only knew where to go. Instead I’m left with one long list of destinations and two empty hands. Because my life is in flux and home cannot possibly be a place.

But home might be an amalgamation of people I have grown to trust, despite my best efforts to keep a distance.

Home might be the moment my raveled yarn got intertwined with yours and I couldn’t look back without seeing all our entanglements.

In the past year, the idea of one residence for my soul has become more and more impractical. But if home has to be a physical space, its area isn’t something I could map out if I tried. Any sense of belonging I have oscillates between being too big and too small to comprehend. For though my home spans oceans, it is no smaller than the gap between our bodies at night and no wider than the periphery of your embrace.

”

- Ruth Tam. My thoughts exactly.

1. Yesterday, it rained for the first time since I’ve been in Jamkhed (okay, I guess it...

Thu, 07 Jun 2012 07:55:21 -0400

1. Yesterday, it rained for the first time since I’ve been in Jamkhed (okay, I guess it sprinkled the day before, but I didn’t see it, so I still say it didn’t happen). There was thunder and everything. And afterwards, it smelled sweet and muddy outside (and a little bit like cow dung. You can’t win ‘em all). My shower was cold instead of lukewarm, and I pulled my covers over myself in my sleep because I was actually getting goosebumps. Considering I’ve been covered in sweat for 3 weeks straight, I found this pretty exciting.

2. I’ve realized that I can’t live in a rural setting. Rural in the US is a lot different than rural in India. I may joke about how there’s nothing to do in Oberlin, but when you think about it, there are restaurants, bars, nice places to sit, an art museum, a bike path, ponds (with water in them!), fire pits…..those things do not exist here. I am existentially bored. And yet, somehow, the time is going weirdly fast. I’ve been here for 3 weeks already. How is that possible? And more important, how many hours of internet TV have I watched? I probably don’t want to know the answer to that question.

3. Thanks to my friend, some broken Hindi, and many phone calls, I now have my flute back in my hands. Unfortunately, it looks like a lever or a key got bent along the way, and my flute will no longer play any note below a G. Given the way things normally work in India (that is to say, they don’t) I probably should have expected this to happen. That doesn’t mean that I’m not going to be really upset about it and eat my feelings. There are few things that a bar of Cadbury with fruit and nut can’t fix. Except for maybe a broken flute.

1. Today, I went to the pre-school and NONE OF THE KIDS CRIED because of my white skin! The first...

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 14:12:16 -0400

1. Today, I went to the pre-school and NONE OF THE KIDS CRIED because of my white skin! The first couple days, the really young kids would just kind of glare at me and cry a lot. Now, I only get a few suspicious looks and some shiny-eyed sniffles. GREAT SUCCESS.

2. Speaking of skin color, I appear to have gotten very tan. This seems almost impossible, since the only time I spend outside these days is my 2 minute trip to the mess hall for breakfast and lunch. Either I’m cooking very quickly, or what I call a tan is actually a very thick coating of dust. Your guess is as good as mine.

3. My friends and I made chocolate chip cookies today and I enjoyed them. I can’t remember the last chocolate chip cookie that I actually liked eating. Since I started working at The Cat, most cookies kind of gross me out. All I can think about is the amount of butter that goes into a batch. So, um….thank you India, for re-instilling a love of chocolate chip cookies into my heart. I have never felt so puffy and buttery in my life.

4. I’ve been complaining about the heat a lot, with specific attention to the fact that it makes no sense that I have to wear so much clothing in it. How can a culture that has some of the hottest weather demand that women wear so much clothing? Is this some kind of cruel test? Survival of the fittest situation? I get modesty and everything, but in this heat, all I really want to do is lie on my bed in my underwear.

Plus, these salwar pants are so large that a cockroach actually crawled up through the foot hold. I had to go into the hallway, take off my pants, and shake them out. In my underwear. This can’t be the first time this has happened to someone.

….right?

Now I'm a Believer

Mon, 28 May 2012 10:14:50 -0400

Lexi: (pulls down seat belt, and realizes that there's nowhere to hook it into)
Jayesh: That's to save them from the cops.
Lexi: What about saving yourself from an actual accident?
Jayesh: You have to believe in God, Lexi. When you drive in India, you learn to believe in God.

numbers....

Tue, 22 May 2012 14:28:29 -0400

1. I paid 180 rupees (I guess that’s a little more than 3 dollars) for a bag of pistachios. Completely outrageous, but I’ve been craving them for ages now. Except I’m pretty sure there is something in them that’s making sick. But I can’t stop eating them. Even though I just dropped the whole bag on the floor. The price we pay for pistachios…..

2. I have read 120 pages of the child development/education textbook, trolled the web for hours, and still can’t manage to find any decent pre-school curriculums. I’ve never designed any kind of curriculum before, and I really wish that I had something to work off of. Getting a little desperate here. Anybody remember any games they used to like to play as a kid? Bonus points if it involves counting. I’ll bake you something good when I get home if you help me out….

3. Yesterday, it got up to 43 degrees C, which I’m told is about 103 degrees F. This weekend, I’m told that it’s going to get up to 47 degrees C, which is about 118 degrees F. For a Minnesotan girl, this is probably the most terrifying news. Add this to my newly acquired heat-stroke paranoia, and the prognosis seems even grimmer. I’ve taken to wearing a really ugly white baseball cap with my salwar-kameez. I know that you all wish you could be as stylish as I am.

India: Phase 2

Mon, 21 May 2012 01:33:00 -0400

1. I realize it’s been a really long time since I posted. I was actually pretty sure that I posted a few days ago, but it turns out that I’m going crazy. Which is fair, I guess. I’m currently in Jamkhed (middle of nowhere) and don’t have a whole lot to do yet. I’m spending my time catching up on Game of Thrones (I’m on the 6th episode of the second season, and my internet has suddenly stopped loading it at the worst possible time. This has got to be some kind of sick joke), reading A Suitable Boy (which totally rules, by the way), and reading a giant textbook about child development and education (which is totally patronizing, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do). There’s one room with air conditioning and internet, and so I’ve been camped out here for kind of a while. I may just stay here for the next two months.

2. I guess I’m not being totally fair. It may be unbelievably hot out, but Jamkhed is a really beautiful place, in the same way that Mars is beautiful. Dusty, reddish, and weirdly empty (I guess maybe it feels that way because Mumbai was so crowded. There are people around, kind of). One of the interns took my friend and me to the lakebed. Not lake, lakebed. It’s behind a field of some mystery crop, and now the lake is all dried up. It’s just dirt and shells and mud. I turned my feet black and may have permanently stained my white pants with mud. You really can’t take me anywhere. I also should just probably not be allowed to own white pants.

3. I also realized I didn’t post much while I was in Mumbai, so I’ll try and just tell the highlights. I lived in the YWCA in Colaba, like I said, which worked out really well. Colaba is really safe and really fun. The one problem I had was that our room was overlooking what can only be described as a giant dirt pit. Every morning, without fail, there was this marching band playing the same music OVER AND OVER again. And I swear, they got progressively worse every time. There’s a flute joke that goes something like, “How do you tune two piccolos? You shoot one of them.”

…..yeah.

The rest of my Mumbai experience can be best summed up by this other blog (which, believe it or not, I still update): textsfromtanveer.tumblr.com

4. I had a dream a couple nights ago that I finally came home. I was really happy, but there was something off about the whole dream. All the lights were wrong—I can’t really think of another way to describe them besides wrong. Everything felt so sterile and blue (Blue, like the color. I know that the color blue isn’t a feeling, but dream feelings are different from awake feelings, and once in a while I feel in colors in my dreams). The point is, even if I’m jonesing for America right now, I am glad to be in India. There are things that I love about America, but there are also things that I love about here. America is a much lonelier place than India is, and that’s going to be the hardest part about returning. I’m excited to go home, but I’m also not trying to wish away this whole experience.

"I am not sure either::yesterday o had to be on the 4points of a square with my two feets n u were in..."

Sun, 06 May 2012 15:04:03 -0400

“I am not sure either::yesterday o had to be on the 4points of a square with my two feets n u were in the centre of a square wishd both feets were in the centre..i missed ur face last nite:-)now if u can the moon its a supermoon eve of this era” the moon reminds ur face lastnite:did u c my early eve text”

- a boy texting one of my friends. I could literally do an entire blog of wildly unclear text messages from boys we’ve met here. Usually I can figure out what they say, but this time I’m stumped. Tanveer, you win. WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?? 50 rupees to anyone who can translate this one….

I’ve seen people selling these on the streets everywhere,...

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 08:52:18 -0400

I’ve seen people selling these on the streets everywhere, and I couldn’t figure out what would possess someone to buy one of these. That balloon is literally larger than a toddler. Who wants to carry that around??

I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I keep wishing I had a whack-a-mole hammer to bop everyone who stares at me/cat-calls me in my neighborhood. Best. Solution. Ever. The men of Mumbai won’t know what hit them…..

1. Today, I spoke to someone from SALAH (Social Action for Literacy and Health), which was the...

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 12:02:00 -0400

1. Today, I spoke to someone from SALAH (Social Action for Literacy and Health), which was the original organization that drew me to Mumbai for research. They told me I had to come today, so I hopped on the first train I could, thinking it couldn’t be that far. For those of you who don’t know, my program gives us a month to do our own independent project, and I’ve been researching women’s empowerment through government schools. I lucked out hard-core, and randomly met someone who works with an Urdu school in Dharavi, and have been interviewing families from there. But I still wanted to at least see SALAH and hear more about what they did. Turns out, Mumbai is between 1.5 and 3 hours by train away from SALAH headquarters. I had no idea about this when I got on the train. So that was an adventure. On the bright side, there is a train station out there called “Diva Junction.” Sounds like my kind of place.

2. I arrived super late to the place, had about 30 minutes of frustrating interview time—sometimes people think they speak English and they actually don’t, so you can’t bring a translator because that would be insulting. And then nobody can understand anyone and it’s sort of funny except that it’s not because you traveled 3 hours to get there and you’re sweaty and dehydrated and the water tastes funny and you can’t help but want to strangle everyone.

3. They tried to hire me to run their outreach program for their “sponsor a child” program. I think I may have accidentally accepted the job.

4. I got on the train. Someone asked for my autograph on the train. I’m not sure who they thought I was.

5. I got to the train station in Mumbai, stopped traffic to grab a cab, and bitched out my cab driver when he charged me double to get home. I can honestly say that I almost never yell at people or really lose my temper too badly. And I certainly never call anyone words like “fuckwad” to their face. But today, I lost it. I told him that he was a fuckwad, and that if he goes to a strange city I hope that everyone treats him like shit, too. Whoops. Not my finest moment. And not even really that true. For the most part, people here have been really great. I mostly feel like I’m living some weird, glamorous life that isn’t even mine. But sometimes I think everything just really gets to be a lot. At least I can safely say he had no idea what I said to him….

6. HELL NAH BIDDIE DID NOT JUST DEFACE THE FAMOUS GIANT SPOON IN MINNEAPOLIS. ALL OF THE OUTRAGE.

"Yes, please, madam? You like some of this, madam?"

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 22:44:54 -0400

“Yes, please, madam? You like some of this, madam?”

- A man on the street trying to pick me and my friends up. I don’t know how many of you I’ve shared this with, but the opening line from almost any shopkeeper here is, “Hello, madam? Yes, please, madam?” I walk through a market, and I get “yes madammed” about 50 times on average. I am not exaggerating. I’ve counted. One day, I’m going to play the “yes madam” drinking game. It’s on, madam.

ohhhhhhhhhh, feminism in india....

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 00:26:13 -0400

ohhhhhhhhhh, feminism in india....:

“We just want our vaginas to reflect more light—is that so wrong? I mean, WHAT IF MY CAR BREAKS DOWN AT NIGHT AND I DON’T HAVE A REFLECTIVE ENOUGH VAGINA? Really, the ultimate one-vagina-to-rule-them-all would glow in the dark like one of those deep-sea fishes. I need my vagina to attract more krill so my husband will fuck me again! (My husband is a whale.)

Basically the idea is to get as far away as possible from any color that vaginas actually come in. Because that’s what’s at the heart of this type of thinking—the perfect vagina would be something that’s not a vagina at all.”